Speak Up, Buttercup: Brave Shaky Voices During Vulnerable Times
Can you take a baby step with me?
It seems that the blog, My Words Ghosted Me, struck a resonant chord with many and inspired some for different reasons. I’ve had people reaching out to me thanking me for writing it because it mirrors and reflects their own struggles about feeling fear and hesitation to express during these uncertain times.
Thank you to those who took their time to share with me. You gave me a gift which is much appreciated.
The aftereffect for me - vulnerability
It was fascinating watching my own process after posting that blog. Within the next 24 hours, I found myself feeling quite tender and vulnerable.
While I was trying to discern what I was feeling and why, I realized that, during the 2 year period of time when my words were gone, my voice remained underused and that muscle weakened.
Add to that the fact that I shared my personal story in such a public way and it made me feel insecure.
Why?
My muscle atrophied
Atrophy: to waste away (as from disease or disuse)
People who know me are aware that I'm often the last to speak in a group. My superpower lies in creating a neutral space for others, bearing witness to their journeys, challenges, and victories.
Friends often say, "How have I known you for so long without knowing about that precarious adventure, that interesting experience, or that accomplishment?" I used to think they were mistaken in their memories, but I now understand that I rarely share my own stories because I'm usually focused on, and enjoy, supporting others in their journeys.
I often say that if I’m talking, I’m not learning anything. I don’t like to make things about me taking up time telling stories about myself and I don’t want to be considered a bragger or a name-dropper because I’m not. Actually, I’m the complete opposite of that. I simply rarely tell my stories which isn’t balanced either.
I’m learning that, just like trying to balance out giving and receiving, listening to others probably should be brought to balance by them also bearing witness to my experiences because it helps them to better know and understand me.
Note to self: Work on bringing balance to those things.
Nonetheless, between my atrophied voice and my reluctance to share personal stories while launching a blog on an unfamiliar platform in these polarizing times left me feeling extremely vulnerable.
If you like this kind of messaging, please take a moment to subscribe to my Substack which costs you nothing, other than an email address that I will never share.
UpShifting one another
On that vulnerable-feeling day, one of my soul sisters called me out of the blue. (It’s pretty weird these days to get a spontaneous call, isn’t it?)
She called to congratulate me on my Substack, saying it inspired her and sparked somewhat of a ✨mindshift✨ in her. I also received other positive messages of reflection, sharing a sense of companionship with my feelings and fears.
Suddenly, it happened. I realized that my blog was already fulfilling my intention to make a difference by simply being and sharing myself. This realization empowered and uplifted me. Hearing others share their thoughts encouraged me and boosted my courage. It made me realize that by sharing my story, I created opportunities for others to share theirs while supporting and uplifting me. This couldn’t have happened if I didn’t have the courage to start this blog.
Note to self: Having the courage to share with others can upshift us all. A rising tide lifts all boats.
As a side note, I got a message from a reader echoing the same feelings around her words ghosting her. She said that she was struggling with it too and was grateful to see someone else publicly address the issue.
Her personal wisdom is that many of us are in this same unsure, silent space because we’re so confused and are simply trying to make sense of this new age of reality.
I completely agree.
What other issues might lend themselves to our silence? Please share your thoughts in the comments.
Then something wonderful happened…
Within hours of the phone call with my friend, my sense of vulnerability lifted. Why? Well, I think for a couple of reasons. Getting the encouraging call from my friend and receiving messages from people having the same experience built me up.
I also remembered that this is what change and growth often feel like - vulnerable, unsure, and uncomfortable. I pushed through my fear and nothing bad happened.
It’s important to remain conscious of that point with the understanding that this is the process of growth. The sense of vulnerability will eventually pass when we challenge our fear or do something outside of our comfort zone. Sometimes it passes even more quickly than one might imagine, especially if they try their best to remain steadfastly rooted in courage.
This doesn’t mean that I won’t feel vulnerable again, but for that moment, I could consciously and gratefully feel the ease of the shift. I also know that, when I drop into that fragile feeling of vulnerability, I have the tools and perspectives to help balance myself out.
And most importantly, I did something that I’ve needed to do for a long time -start a blog- but I didn’t have the words to do it because I was uncertain and afraid. Pushing through that fear and the feeling of vulnerability lifted the heavy mental weight I had been carrying because I finally did it. Yay me!
The most disagreeable voices are the loudest
It seems that many, like me, have felt shut down and hesitant to openly share their thoughts and feelings due to the stormy environmental conditions out there, both real and imagined. They can feel so very threatening - both online and offline - especially when we’re not sure what we even believe anymore.
Most of us are living under the mistaken notion that there’s more of them that feel that way than us. It’s my opinion that it’s not really that way at all. We’re mostly hearing from the loudest, most disagreeable voices from the extreme edges of the spectrum.
There are so many more that land more towards the center of issues who aren’t expressing their opinions, either due to fear or to avoid the hassle of fighting…or both…in the same way that we are.
Note to self: Don’t let them shut you down; don’t shut yourself down. Our voices also need to be heard to seed more balance in the world.
Cultivating inner peace - a very high priority during chaos
My main goal in my life is to consciously and consistently work on cultivating a sense of inner peace while living a joy-full life that brings good energy to others, regardless of what’s going on outside of myself.
I am a continuous processor always scanning the landscape of my inner world. I’m seeking out internal rubs, irritations, and negative mental loops that point to places that I need to look at that aren’t congruent with me walking my talk or that show me where I’m living in a disempowered way that doesn’t feel good. It’s one of my favorite things to do, although at times, quite uncomfortable and not so much fun.
Since unraveling my inner knots is so important to me, to be of service, I like to put things out into the world that help others recognize the places in themselves where they’re stuck and not living their best life due to misalignment with their integrity or value system.
Being human is messy
NONE of us are without trials and tribulations, challenges, shames, imperfections, or fears. We ALL have things to work on. Sometimes we have the energy to do so and sometimes we have to put it on a back shelf just to get through what we’re currently living until we’re clear and strong enough to have the time and the courage to consider our words, actions, and beliefs to make a change.
I LOVE to communicate
One of my very favorite things in the world is to communicate with others, either in writing, in person, or by phone. I LOVE conversing about the sticky things in life, the places where we struggle and are insecure. It’s like trying to figure out a puzzle; trying to find the pieces that can be adjusted to fit just right so we can continue living a creative, connected life that we enjoy.
I also have a weird soft spot for engaging in the awkward, difficult conversations that help us flush out what we’re thinking and feeling while questioning why it’s that way to begin with.
MindShift Musings - A safe space to connect, process, and work it out
I’ve always been really good at creating safe containers for people to authentically share the truth of the good, bad, ugly, indifferent, and especially the shame of who they are without judgment or repercussion.
While you signed up for a blog, I want you to know that it’s important to me, not only find my own way to try to decode this new world for myself sharing my thoughts and feelings about it, but also to create a safe space for YOU to process too.
It feels like there are so few places that we can openly share without people dogpiling on us with a different opinion or even worse, ending the relationship just because they disagree. I’d like to offer us this space to speak openly about what’s on our minds and hearts, but it only happens if you have the courage to participate, so I hope you’ll do so.
This is a space where we can practice expressing in more moderate ways. My goal is to converse and monitor the comments for unsavory attitudes and judgments towards others. I certainly don’t mind differing opinions, but if they veer off into disrespect, name-calling, or belittling, they’ll be reminded of the spirit of this space. If they continue, they’ll just be blocked. A safe, peaceful, easy, and respectful space is very important to me for a good experience for all of us.
Sharing the power of vulnerability
In closing, I’d like to share one of my all-time favorite empowerment videos. Below is The Power of Vulnerability Ted Talk by Professor-Researcher-Storyteller and author Brene Brown. Here she decodes and shares the power of vulnerability.
If you’ve seen this video more than a few years ago, I’d like to encourage you to revisit it. It’s good that we refresh ourselves with the lessons. The world needs more of this vulnerable energy.
An Aha! Moment
As an aside, in the Brene Brown video above, she says, “A sense of vulnerability causes us to try to make the uncertain certain.”
In my ghosted blog, I spoke about the contrast of people speaking out seemingly with such confident “certainty” while I was questioning everything.
This is what we’re up against and it’s important for us to remember. These shifting times we’re living in have most people set off balance. They might speak on social media seemingly with tons of certainty, but that’s likely a red flag that they’re actually uncertain.
Moral of the story
So I guess the moral to my story is to “Speak up, Buttercup”. Try your best to challenge yourself to take at least one small baby step using that brave, shaky voice when you’re feeling vulnerable. The world is starving for positive energy to help bring balance to the unbalanced. You never know what it might do for you or the people that are listening to what you have to share.
So ask yourself, what one small baby step can you take to use your voice in a way that you’re uncomfortable with either out in the world, in your relationships, or even within yourself? You never know who you might make a difference to or inspire, which might be an unexpected gift you’re actually giving to yourself.
Thank you for hanging this long to bear witness to my story.
Happy 4th of July, for those in the U.S. And for all of us, may our voice find the ✨freedom✨ that makes a difference to others while, most especially, making a difference to ourselves.
Are you feeling vulnerable and are having difficulty sharing your thoughts, feelings, and opinions? If so, what causes you to feel that way?
If you have some tips on how to move that uncomfortable energy, please share them in the comments below.
Let’s get vulnerable together and chat in the comments.
Thank you so much for the voice clip. It was such a pleasure to hear your words and so needed. This blog hit home more than you will ever know. Thank you goddess
Do you find that you're silencing yourself or self editing because it feels so vulnerable to speak out in this highly connected and divided world? Please share.