Political Scorn, Brittle Snowflakes, and Social Minefields: How Fear, Fragility, and Duplicitous Finger-Pointing Are Tearing Us Apart
Musing on surviving the modern minefield with bridges burned and drawbridges up
Story-at-a-glance:
This essay explores the complex dynamics of political hypocrisy, fear, and the fragile state of friendships in today’s polarized climate.
It reflects on the author’s struggle to manage irritation over double standards and tribal mentalities, recognizing that such triggers often serve as mirrors for one’s own growth and self-awareness.
At the heart of the piece is a contemplation of how fear—whether of rejection, isolation, or misjudgment—has hardened relationships, turning former friends into brittle caricatures of themselves, while the post-pandemic world continues to amplify societal divisions.
“The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.”
— F. Scott Fitzgerald
What’s on my mind lately? A lot, but nothing I can seem to write about at length. This month has been tough—personal challenges and the holiday season have made writing harder than expected.
December 20th marks six months of this blog. I’m wondering if it’s worth writing during a season when long-form reading isn’t exactly a priority. If I’m wrong, let me know.
For now, I’ll share a few interconnected thoughts to clear my mind, hoping they offer some value to you.
“The outer world is a reflection of the inner world. Other people’s behaviors often serve as mirrors for the parts of ourselves we cannot see.”
— Debbie Ford, author of Dark Side of the Lightchasers
Political hypocrisy
I find myself getting triggered by the hypocrisy and double standards that I see all around me these days. That noticing eventually brings me back to myself because it’s not as much about “them” -even though “they” may seem like hypocrites- but about me because I’m the one with the energy about it that’s annoyed.
I can’t do anything about how they act and react, but I CAN do something about my irritation towards something that I have no control over.
Inner peace begins with energy management and that’s an inside job for me.
Typically, my energy is pretty clean and measured but I keep finding myself poked by media and people railing about the “other side” while totally giving their side a free pass of justification for something that’s energetically the same. These circumstances can be quite similar, yet slightly different, in nuanced ways. It irks me.
Ah…the mental games of hide n’ seek we play with ourselves. 🫣
Just because OUR eyes are closed and covered, doesn’t mean that THEY can’t still see us in all our duplicitous glory shouting moralistically from atop pedestals made of clay.
I certainly understand the proclivity, but I’m irked by the combative nature of it that’s keeping us stuck in tribes and trenches.
If we could simply stop this one ugly, often unconscious, habit, much would change overnight because what we’re ALL being called to wake up to is that it’s not “one side or the other” - it’s BOTH sides…and sometimes we’re part of the problem.
And we should also demand this from the media.
This energy needs to be shifted across the spectrum to be put to rest as one of the weapons of mass destruction we’re using against each other when the truth is that we’re just as guilty of it as them.
We all need to #StartAdultingAgain.
This means…and many of you already know my process…that I am now inspired to dig deeper to find out why the trigger is registering within me allowing me to locate the offending belief that’s interrupting my sense of peace, pulling it out into the light to ask it questions so I can get to the bottom of what MY issue is about other than making it about THEM.
The largest question will be about where the thing I don’t like in them potentially lies within me. That’s where the true nuggets lie because we’re often aggravated with others about things that we also do ourselves. I have no right pointing fingers at others when I myself might be doing the exact same thing.
Only with that realization can I shift my trajectory by re-aligning myself from the inside clearing my energy so I can observe through a more neutrally passive lens of consideration.
Once I’m there, my thoughts and words will become clearer. This doesn’t mean that I don’t have a particular belief or stance. It merely means that when I write or talk about it, my sharings aren’t “captured”, “hijacked”, or tinged by that irritated, judgmental energy.
Meanwhile, I’ve realized that all hypocrisy involves a form of double standard, but not all double standards rise to the level of hypocrisy. Hypocrisy requires professed principles that are betrayed, while double standards simply involve inconsistent treatment of similar situations.
Friendships and politics
Friendships have been on my mind a lot lately, especially as related to politics.
Lately, I’ve felt uneasy and a bit fearful about some of my friendships, especially with my liberal friends—surprising, considering I share many of their beliefs. I think it’s the brittle unreasonableness that I’m bearing witness to that’s bothering me so much.
Once again, I’ll check myself for where I might also be inflexible, brittle, and judgmental instead of more flexible, pliable, and compassionate without betraying my beliefs.
My apprehensions haven’t simply been since the election, for it was going on long before that, although the fear around the outcome of the election has certainly heightened their anxiety, and as theirs have heightened, I’ve noticed that some of mine have too. It’s interesting how that works sometimes. Fear is like a contagion - a virus - that weaves invisibly through us all.
I’ve been quietly afraid that some people I care about will attack me. I’ve seen good people become so rigid in their judgments that they lash out at questions or perspectives that they assume don’t exactly align with theirs, often misreading innocent statements that they’ve mistakenly read something else into.
The truth is that it has already happened to me, maybe to you too, if you’re not censoring yourself to try to keep from being a target.
These qualities they accuse others of are often something that don’t actually exist, but are projected upon others due to a distorted lens of righteous misjudgment from their own fears and frustrations. I see this happening across the spectrum to so many people. It’s a tragedy to bear witness to these angry knee-jerk reactions.
It’s heartbreaking to see good people behave poorly under the weight of fear.
Since the election, I’ve quietly noticed friendships slipping away—people potentially not inviting me or unfriending me on social media because I don’t join their angry chorus. They see me as “the other”. It’s an interesting dynamic to say the least.
It’s revealing, and a little sad, to see how hard it is for people to accept nuance.
Honestly, it’s a blessing they quietly walked away rather than dragging me into one of those performative social media duels that go nowhere. You know, the kind voyeurs love to follow, munching popcorn as they wait for juicy tidbits of drama to spill through their screens.
“We judge others by their actions, but ourselves by our intentions.”
— Stephen R. Covey
Rigid fragility
I remember when I first heard the term “snowflake” which was somewhere around 2010 or so. I heard conservatives calling liberals snowflakes and remember thinking that it didn’t feel right. My liberal friends were very strong, flexible, and inclusive. I didn’t really understand what that was all about.
Over time, something shifted—whether it was me, them, or the media amplifying the term, the evidence began to reveal itself even among my own liberal friends.
They seemed to be growing less tolerant and more brittle, even as they publicly championed inclusivity.
Some of their compassion seemed hardened—compartmentalized and selective, often extended to “underdogs” they sympathized with but withheld from others. The double standards have been hard to ignore.
I think much of this sense of fear was heightened during covid as our collective fear caused most of us to ball up inside and constrict, pulling up the drawbridge against those who didn’t agree with us while hunkering down behind echoed chambered walls into political teams tribes where everyone present and accepted believed exactly the same thing…or at least pretended that they did so as not to be ousted from the community castle.
THAT scared me.
Post-COVID, the devastation is clear—our collective development feels stalled, especially for our children. I continue uncovering the many ways that period of time impacted me personally.
I’m still gobsmacked that rarely does anyone seem to talk about those early covid years when the entire world went through the same trauma all at the same time, except for maybe those who are still pissed that the vaccines were forced upon them.
Were we so completely traumatized by the pandemic that we decided to lock it in the dank dark basement of our psyche pretending that it never even happened? Trauma can do that to us.
Many of the battle lines were drawn back then, and few of us have had the courage to lower the drawbridge to step back into the world to engage civilly with others who hold different beliefs and perspectives.
It seems challenging for many people, as I often observe them only accepting others who fully align with their beliefs, while shunning anyone who dares to even ask polite and curious questions, cutting them off from future interactions entirely. This saddens me.
It seems that our tolerance and compassion has been lost in the battle of the trenches.
We are officially battled hardened.
So here I am, stepping beyond the safety of walls to explore in words the devastation—and the hope—that I see.
Even though my words aren’t harsh, there is no judgment or name-calling, my gentle musings, curious questions, and whispered observations seem to inflame those who are threatened by my seeming lack of team-choosing. They also seem threatened by my openness to ask questions in an attempt to learn more so I better understand myself, others, and this crazy world around me.
It’s strange how my nuance seems to piss some people off.
Historically, friendship has been rooted in mutual affection and trust, not political affiliation, even though shared beliefs can sometimes play a role.
This brings me back to my own fears and what they can teach me.
Why am I afraid?
I don’t want to lose people, even those I rarely see, just because my curiosity or independent thinking makes them react defensively. I won’t hide from them, but it pains me to let them go.
This especially bothers me with local people, because in times of uncertainty, our brains prioritize nearby social bonds for survival—they would be our primary support system if society were to break down. Losing those connections over harsh misjudgments, disagreements, and projections feels especially threatening.
This fear stems from our brain’s instinctive response to social threats, rooted in an evolutionary drive to avoid rejection and isolation.
This heightened fear can impair the prefrontal cortex, the part of our brain responsible for rational thought, leading us to rely more on instinctual, tribal behaviors. In such states, we may prioritize group conformity or avoid speaking our truth to maintain social safety.
In such states, we may conform to the group or silence our truth to feel socially safe. Unfortunately, these dynamics are increasingly common, as fear and uncertainty push many into rigid tribalism.
I understand why people retreat—it’s not easy to speak up, even when the truth is balanced and unthreatening.
Safe spaces
Lately, I’ve been musing about what happened to the ‘safe spaces’ my liberal friends once championed. Are they only safe for the most disadvantaged among us? If so, that feels a bit lopsided to me.
Safe spaces, I’ve realized, aren’t just about agreeing with one another. Maybe they’re about holding space for differences, the uncomfortable process of disagreement and potential growth, and the messiness of being human. Perchance, they’re where we’ll rediscover our collective humanity. I can only hope.
I’ll leave you with this
Whether it’s navigating political hypocrisy, strained friendships, or the aftermath of collective trauma, the answer seems to lie in reconnecting—with ourselves, each other, and our shared humanity. If we can soften our rigidity and listen with curiosity instead of judgment, maybe we can rebuild bridges, even amidst the chaos.
It’s up to each of us to make things better, starting with examining and taking responsibility for our own triggers. We can cultivate compassion because it’s child’s play to have compassion for those we already align with. We can adult and start doing this by approaching our differences with openness and asking more questions.
Wouldn’t it all be worth it to feel more peaceful inside, knowing that inner peace naturally radiates outward and positively impacts the world around us?
As we step into 2025, these reflections can serve as intentions. What version of these might we act upon to raise the energy around us?
Wishing you peace, joy, and renewal as we celebrate the season in all its forms. May this time bring warmth to your heart, connection to those you love, and space to reflect on the year past while welcoming the possibilities of the new year ahead. However you honor the season, may it be filled with kindness, compassion, and hope for brighter days to come.
Happy holidays and a peaceful New Year to all!
See you in 2025!
Some little extras
I don’t plan on writing another Substack before the end of the year unless I feel absolutely compelled to do so. Therefore, I’m posting a few extras here that you might want to visit if you have time.
I found this Substack to be quite balanced in perspective post election, especially for those who feel that they lost the election and are struggling with fears of what might happen in the next 4 years.
For those who are struggling with bringing voice to their words, I found this to be an compelling Substack about speaking up on controversial issues.
This is a thought-provoking short video related to how corporate media chooses to deal with reporting on Luigi Mangione shooting the United Healthcare CEO.
Would you consider this control?
I LOVE jellyfish! This video that I use as a screensaver is from one of my all-time treasured aquariums - Monterey Bay Aquarium. My favorite there was the jellyfish wall. I could’ve sat in front of that wall for days! There’s something about it that feels meditative to calm my mind and body.
I often have really long phone conversations with clients and friends. I enjoy having something visually appealing on a screen without sound in the background that makes me feel good. This is one of those things.
Enjoy!
Community Engagement
Have you noticed similar shifts in your own friendships or social circles when it comes to political or ideological disagreements? How have you navigated those challenges?
How has fear—whether of rejection, judgment, or confrontation—affected the way you express your thoughts or ask questions, especially around sensitive topics?
Have you lost friends, virtual or in real life, due to not seeing politics in exactly the same way?
Please share with our small community of people who can only comment if they subscribe. This is how we learn that there are more of us that are like-minded than not.
I'm grateful to have stumbled across your substack. I'm trying to live in the space you're describing.
The inside job is the most important job.
Great article!